I Love You This Much
by Laheara
Summary: Started doing a Faramir fic, then heard this Jimmy Wayne song and loved it so I used some of it in the end of the fic. Basically Faramir's life, his brother, his father and their relationship. From early childhood right to ROTK. (Spoilers for movie)


Title: I Love You This Much  
  
Author: Laheara (entsg1efc2002@yahoo.ca)  
  
Fandom: LOTR-ROTK movieverse with a possibly a few mentions from the books  
  
Rating: G, I don't think there is anything really nasty in here. Mentions of a battle, some Denethor being mean to Faramir memories and some movie dialog  
  
Summary: Faramir's last talk with his father before his death as he was unconscious the whole time they were together after Faramir returned. After Faramir is injured during the futile attack to retake Osgiliath, as the horse drags him home Faramir remembers his life.  
  
Song used: Threw in the words to a great song by Jimmy Wayne called (look at title of story hehe) "I Love You this Much".  
  
Disclaimers: The actors belong to them selves, and the LOTR story belongs to Tolkien and his estate, but THIS story is mine, I just borrow the characters for some angst and drama and no money is made.  
  
***********************************************  
  
I Love You This Much  
  
By Laheara  
  
Faramir songfic  
  
Faramir knows the answer to his question but he wishes to ask it all the same.  
  
"You wish now that our places had been exchanged. You wish that I had died and Boromir has lived."  
  
Denethor thinks for a moment. Yes, he did wish he had his favourite son back. He wanted the one that had shown such bravery in retaking Osgiliath and was to be the next Steward of Gondor, not this failure. Faramir has let Osgiliath fall and Boromir had to go save him and our outer defences.  
  
"Yes, I wish that."  
  
Tears came to Faramir eyes that his father would actually say that, but then he remembered his father had never been kind to him before. Now that he did have Boromir trying to make their father act more kindly toward him Faramir was getting the full brunt of his father rage and dislike. It had been the same all his life, why should things change now.  
  
Faramir decides that it is pointless to try to make Denethor love him so he decides an honourable, if futile death may make him see his youngest in a different light.  
  
"Since Boromir has been ripped from you I will do what I can in his stead." His father does not even look at him so there is no danger of him seeing his tears, but he turns away nonetheless. "If I should return, think better of me father."  
  
"That would depend on the manner of your return."  
  
Until now Faramir has kept the tears a bay but now this final comment cut him to the bone and he could not help it when they fell. He kept his head down as he walked from the great hall and down to his Rangers and guards. On the way there he slips into a small waiting room and locks the door. He walks to the balcony and looks out over his city.  
  
In the distance he can see Osgiliath still burning and remembered how many Orc he'd seen come in on those boats. He would not be coming back from this battle and wanted a final look at his beautiful home.  
  
"Goodbye my beautiful White City, perhaps I shall still be able to look on you from the Halls of my ancestors."  
  
Faramir stands there for a few moments and then leaves the room to continue down to the staging area below in the first level. He wipes his eyes a couple more times to be sure they are clear of and takes a few deep breaths. His lieutenant meets him and nods.  
  
"My Father has ordered me to take as many men as we can spare and make an attempt at retaking Osgiliath."  
  
The man stares in disbelief, "But Captain, the city was overrun with Mordors forces. The few men we could muster would not be more then you had when you were forced out of the city. It is not enough to defeat them."  
  
"I am aware of that, but we have our orders. Gather as many as you can, but knowing the situation, ask for volunteers to come with me, do not order any man."  
  
"The men would follow you regardless of orders Captain Faramir, but I will tell them is voluntary."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
It takes about and hour to gather a group of 100 volunteers to join Faramir on this suicide mission. They prepare to leave and when they open the gates they are not surprised to find a great crowd of Minas Tiriths citizens outside lining the road down to the Eastern Gate. Many are family of the men leaving others came to say goodbye when the families spread the word to their friends.  
  
"Take it slow through them, say goodbye if you see your loved one, but keep moving."  
  
The men all nod and Faramir turns around putting on his helmet and leads them out. The women and children are carrying flowers that they either pass to the soldier their know or throw on the ground in farewell. There are many tears in the crowds, and likely some among the soldiers also, but they all loved Faramir and would not let him do this alone. The people knew of the loss of Boromir and now they were saying goodbye to the last of the line.  
  
As they come close to the gate Gandalf can be heard calling Faramir's name and running to him.  
  
"Faramir! Faramir your father rule has become madness. Do not throw your life away so easily."  
  
"Where does my allegiance lie if not here?"  
  
Faramir down not look at him for fear of his old friend and mentor breaking his resolve. In truth Gandalf had been more of a father to Faramir then Denethor had. He had treated him with respect and was his private tutor in scholarly matters that Boromir found no interest in. He had even taught him Elvish as young age and told him of his travels through Middle-Earth.  
  
"Your father loves you Faramir. He will remember it before the end."  
  
Faramir had wished his whole life for his father to so the same love and devotion to him he showed to Boromir but it never came true. He had given up on love a long time ago and settled for just a kind word for Denethor, which he also never received.  
  
Faramir whispers to himself, "I wish that were true."  
  
Finally they reach the gate and it is opened for them. The group rides through the gate in groups of two and when all are outside they spread out in a long line two columns thick. They ride slowly away from Minas Tirith at first then a little over half way across the fields they speed up a bit. When they are but moments from Osgiliath they all start to ride hard and fast into the city making themselves a moving target for the Orcs to hit.  
  
And hit them they do. Arrows come flying out of every part of the once lovely Gondorian city and many in the front column go immediately. They do reach the city and the few remaining manage to take several Orcs each but they do not last long as they are greatly outnumbered.  
  
Five Orcs were attacking Faramir and suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his side. He looks down to see an arrow sticking out of himself. He just shrugs and continues fighting, then a second hits him and he loses his breath. He begins to fall forward and right off his horse but the armour on his left becomes tangled in his saddle straps and just after hitting the ground he feels his leg being jerked.  
  
One of the soldiers sees Faramir fall and calls his name as loudly as he can. Another who was closer to their Captain hears and turns around to see Faramir is down. He fights his way to the horse and turning it around he whispers into its ear, "Go home," and slaps it hard on the behind. The horse takes off at a quick pace and continues at this pace until it clears the city. Once is in Pelennor it slows down to slower pace and carries it's wounded master back to his beloved city.  
  
During the trip, Faramir finds his mind is alive with dreams of his childhood, his life in general and Boromir and his Father. The memories of his brother were always happy ones as they were very close. Oh how he missed him now that he was gone. But the memories of his Father were never kind or pleasant, they were of constant disapproval and malice and many harsh words. He couldn't remember a single time his father had ever showed any affection for him and it made him wonder if he had ever loved him.  
  
He can't remember the times that he thought Does my daddy love me? Probably not. That didn't stop him from wishing that he did Didn't keep him from wanting and worshiping him  
  
When the brothers were young they would have competitions to see who was fastest or a better archer or swordsman. When they were younger and Boromir sense Faramir was especially down on a certain day he would let his little brother win a few rounds to bolster him up. However sometimes Faramir won on his own merits once he got a little older.  
  
Once Faramir was old enough he decided he would never gain his father's approval so he decided to leave Minas Tirith and follow his own path. He would still serve Gondor but not from the White City, he would join the Rangers and protect Gondors assets from a distance. With Boromir the countries Captain and favoured son of the Steward they did not need him also.  
  
He guesses he saw him about once a year He can still feel the way he felt standing in tears Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go Whispering daddy I want you to know  
  
Occasionally Boromir would get lonely or bored around the White City and concoct some reason to take a trip to the outer defences to check on them. Since Denethor has so little faith in Faramir he would always agree and let Boromir go. This both annoyed and pleased Boromir. On one hand he didn't have trouble going to visit his brother, on the other hand it annoyed him that their father was so cruel to his youngest.  
  
I love you this much And I'm waitin' on you To make up your mind Do you love me too? How ever long it takes I'm never givin up No mater what, I love you this much  
  
Faramir would only come to the city once in a long while to make a report on their defences and recruitment and would be very quickly dismissed when he was finished. For his brothers sake Faramir would stay longer to spend time with Boromir and see what has changed in the capital. Even though he knew it was ridiculous he always hoped Denethor would ask to see him and they could begin a new but he never did.  
  
He grew to hate him and what he had done Just what kind of father would do that to his son?  
  
Boromir always hated the rude comments and slurs that Denethor would throw at Faramir but his brother was so used to it now he just brushed them off. He tried not to thing about it. Then the Osgiliath was attacked and his rangers would so outnumbered they could not hold back the enemy forces. He sent a messenger to Minas Tirith to tell Boromir of the problem and request aid. His brother answered very quickly and came with a large force to retake their city. When they arrived with the Rangers joining them both forces pushed back Mordors hordes and retook the city.  
  
Boromir and Faramir were enjoying the victory celebration when Faramir saw Denethor. He pointed him out to Boromir who was not happy that the man would not give them a moment's peace to enjoy themselves. He would never be disrespectful to his father's face, and in fact Faramir was the only one he ever voiced his true mind too.  
  
Then months later the whole thing happened again. Faramir and a small garrison where watching over the now evacuated city of Osgiliath when it was once again attacked by Mordor. As before they were not strong enough to hold back the enemy but this time Boromir would not be coming to aid them, Faramir was now alone in the world. It was a loosing battle even before the Nazgul arrived but that was the final straw and Faramir called a retreat back to Minas Tirith. They would not have made it back alive if Gandalf the White had not driven off the Nazgul and protected them. Once back in the city he reported Mordor had retaken the city and the Western bank and found another Hobbit.  
  
He said you damn you daddy the day that he died The man didn't blink but the little boy cried  
  
Faramir felt heavy and ill and could not seem to focus his eyes but he did know they were open. He looked at a fire burning not far away from him, and then he remembered. The reason he awoke was because he felt like he was on fire. As he did a mental check of the parts of his body he could feel he did not feel it now so he looked around. Then he heard his name and turned to the sound. He saw his father in the middle of the fire staring at him with a look in his eyes Faramir had never seen directed at him before. It was. love. mixed with sorrow. Then the image was gone replaced with pain and haziness again but he somehow knew that now he would never be able to reconcile with his father and this pained him a great deal. He hoped if they meant in the Halls of his ancestors perhaps their relationship would be different.  
  
I love you this much And I'm waitin' on you To make up your mind Do you love me too? How ever long it takes I'm never givin up No mater what I love you this much  
  
Just as his eyes closed again he felt hands on his body and he tried to force his eyes open again. He heard a kind familiar voice talking to him, calling him back to them, that it was not his time.  
  
He said, "forgive me" when he realized That he hadn't been unloved or alone all his life His arms were stretched out as far as they go  
  
Faramir forced his eyes open again to see the kind, yet worried, face of Gandalf looking at him. Gandalf had been not only his friend but also his teacher and counsellor. And he remembered ridding through the city just before leaving for the battle, the people were crying and throwing flowers to him. He realized there were people that loved him and wanted him to stay with them. Gandalf was calling him back to his people, his home and. his new King?  
  
The next thing Faramir remembers is hearing a very strong and commanding voice calling his name and touching him. The voice spoke volumes and Faramir fought his way back to the light to see who it was. He opened his eyes and they finally focused on a dark haired man with kind blue-grey eyes and a smile on his face.  
  
He was welcoming him back from beyond and smiling at someone else. Faramir turned his head to see his friend Gandalf standing above him and the small Hobbit sitting in a chair next to him. He smiled at them both and they smiled back. For the first time in his life he felt like he truly belonged in his home, there was finally no disapproving star always on him but looks of love and friendship. He would cherish this new lease on life and the time came for him to see his father and brother again he would meet them a much stronger man because of these friends.  
  
FIN  
  
I Love You this Much  
  
Jimmy Wayne  
  
He can't remember the times that he thought Does my daddy love me? Probably not. That didn't stop him from wishing that he did Didn't keep him from wanting and worshiping him  
  
He guesses he saw him about once a year He can still feel the way he felt standing in tears Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go Whispering daddy I want you to know  
  
I love you this much And I'm waitin' on you To make up your mind Do you love me too? How ever long it takes I'm never givin up No mater what, I love you this much  
  
He grew to hate him and what he had done Just what kind of father would do that to his son? He said you damn you daddy the day that he died The man didn't blink but the little boy cried  
  
I love you this much And I'm waitin' on you To make up your mind Do you love me too? How ever long it takes I'm never givin up No mater what I love you this much  
  
Halfway through the service while the choir sang a hymn He looked up above the preacher and he sat and stair at him He said forgive me father when he realized That he hadn't been unloved or alone all his life His arms were stretched out as far as they go Nailed to the cross for the whole world to know  
  
I love you this much And I'm waitin' on you To make up your mind Do you love me too? How ever long it takes I'm never givin up No mater what I love you this much 


End file.
